My friend Bonnie (who’s also from NYC) and I went to our first rodeo recently, and we had the time of our lives. All my cowboy experience heretofore has come solely from multiple readings and weepy viewings of Brokeback Mountain. And from seeing guys dressed as cowboys in gay bars in the West Village, which is just not the same as real live serious wearing-cowboy-hats-not-only-for-Halloween cowboys.

Bonnie and I were agog. Agog and smitten. I’m from Queens! We don’t have people there who can rope a calf in 8 seconds! And ride a bronco! I didn’t even know broncos were real. I thought they were just in movies.

The whole place smelled like cow. In a good way. And I ate my first corn dog–not a lot of corn dogs in Queens either–and it was sweet and salty and delicious.

We also got to meet Miss Rodeo Austin and Miss Rodeo Austin Princess in their sparkly outfits. They were signing photos and Bonnie and I got signed photos of them as gifts for our husbands.

They signed them: “Cowboy up!” And “Rope your dreams!”

I’m going to frame their signed photos. I mean, if you’re having a crappy day and then you look up and see Miss Rodeo Austin telling you to Cowboy Up! And Rope Your Dreams! It has GOT to make you feel better.

My fave cowboy of the night was a 19-year-old named Tuf Cooper. So, yes, I am officially changing my Secret Fantasy Boyfriend to Tuf Cooper. How can you not fall in love with someone named Tuf Cooper? Even if he is a tad young for me. Who cares! He can rope a calf in 8 seconds! Can Nate Silver rope a calf in 8 seconds? No f-ing way. Sorry, Nate.

Tuf, I wish I knew how to quit you.